I Hate Pumping

My least favorite thing to do as a new breastfeeding mother is pumping breastmilk. There are days at work where I almost avoid pumping until 3 in the afternoon! I know that is probably not very good for the ol' milk production. I don't know what it is exactly that I dislike...perhaps it's because my hands have to hold the pumps to my breasts and I can't really do anything else but watch T.V. or awkwardly browse the interwebs. (In order to do this I have to put the bottle against the edge of the desk and lean into it a little bit so that it's held between the desk and my chest so that I can maneuver the mouse...it's ridiculous.) I probably should get one of those bras where I can free up my hands.

I was talking with my mommyfriend Suganya about it, she feels the same way. I asked her why she hated it so and she had lots of good answers:

"I hate lugging the pump to work and back every day. The pumping bra makes it a little easier to pump and type at the same time but I hate having to sit near an outlet for ever and ever. I hate leaving meetings early or being late for others so that I can pump every 4 hours. I also hate the awkward looks I get when I'm cleaning the pump parts in the office kitchen. I also hate how it makes me anxious and paranoid if I don't make enough milk each time I pump. I pumped for two hours at work yesterday and only made 6 oz and I was so upset. Finally, I hate that it makes me feel like a cow everytime I attach the valves to my boobies." 

I must agree with her on all points. I have to inform one of my co-workers every time I leave to go pump. We made up a code phrase. I now say that "I'm going to the gym." Because I was saying, "I'm gonna pump." Which eventually evolved into, "I'm gonna pump....you up." (Like Hans and Frans would say.)

Which then led to the latest code phrase. And then walking down the hallway to the fridge with my bags of milk (that is not euphemism) can sometimes lead to an awkward coworker moment. I hide them from some people but not from others. Also, pumping isn't as efficient as Aki Bear is. So, I tend to get hard boobs. It grosses Mike out. It really feels like there are big rocks in there or one big, overcooked steak. I'm a pro at getting the rocks out now and it doesn't happen that often...maybe every couple of months or so. If it's really bad I just put a hot water bottle on there before nursing and then I place the Bear with his chin pointing towards the rock hard area. Other times I forgo the hot water bottle and go straight for the baby. I drew some illustrations on which nursing holds to use according to where your breast may be hard. Since I drew them at work I made the boobs into milk jugs just in case someone saw me drawing them I could say, "They are milk jugs with little spouts!" The last one isn't real - well, maybe it is. Tree pose is a yoga pose but I bet you could do this position better while lying down. Actually I've done that one lying down and it worked! But it was awkward. I will try tree pose next time, if there is a next time; I rarely get hard boobs on the top bits. You can click on the image below to see it in full size.

For an extra laugh have a look at this blog called electric boogaloo. She drew some pretty hilarious breasfeeding hold poses. my favorite is the "Rich Person Hold" at the bottom.