Labor Pains of Parenting

Being a parent is challenging. I'm sure you've heard that all before but it's challenging in more than one way. For me, someone who's fairly laid back, doesn't like confrontation and who's not very assertive, has had to do the opposite of all of those things since the Bear has graced us with his adorable presence. I've constantly been told by more experienced parents to "just wait, it gets harder." Yes, I'm sure it will get harder but I bet there are some pretty great parts about each stage of his life too that I can look forward to.

In the last 9+ months I've learned so much. The learning curve just in the first several days of the Bear's life was not a curve, it was a vertical line shooting straight up and off the chart. It was hard to feed him every couple of hours and change 24+ diapers a day. Now we go through maybe 5-6 diapers a day and feed him every 3-4ish hours (I really don't keep track anymore) -

so that's an improvement. 

Even though he isn't sleeping through the night we both get longer spans of sleep now compared to those first several months - ( UPDATE : HE IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! Kind of...not really.)

so that's an improvement.

It was easier when he wasn't crawling but I think it's easier now than when he was in those in-between stages of learning to sit and learning to crawl/pull-himself-up-to-stand stage because he would fall a lot more then and you'd either need to put pillows all around him, let him fall on the floor and bang his head, or be there to catch his fall. Now he is really good at it and I don't need to play the literal safety net role anymore - so that went up and down from easier to more challenging to less challenging. 

Some things are easier, some things are harder. 

The other day a co-worker said, "Just wait until he starts school. It's so hard having to deal with other kids and parents." Bullying, teasing, parenting differences. Blech, can't wait...but there are rewards that come along with that next step in the wee one's life too - not just things we dread. I just read this great article over at Power of Moms titled "Joy? or Just Wait?" where she writes about how experienced parents have a habit of telling new parents, "Just wait, it get's harder." I love that she points out the positives...yeah, parenting is hard, but the rewards are wonderful and perhaps we need to remind people of the joy rather than the pains in the ass parts - or a little of both.

Most recently I've had to step out of my comfort zone and be more assertive with our daycare people, the new and the old daycare people. Being assertive is challenge for me. I don't like confrontation. I would rather give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are good but Aki Bear can't speak for himself we (Mike and I) are his advocates. We are his voice (for now). I can't make assumptions when it comes to my son. Being a parent has turned up the assertive juice - which is a good thing for both myself and the Bear.

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone

Except you don't really decide...it just happens.

I also think that Mike and I really influence one another. Because Mike is more assertive and less afraid of confrontations I find that when it comes to parenting, because we are a team, I have to take his feelings into consideration. A middle ground is usually found unless one of us can talk the other one down (or up.) The middle ground is still more confrontational or assertive than I'm used to but I'm learning. I think my agreeableness and diffidence, in turn, rub off on Mike. They do say that married couples begin to look like one another the longer they are together...I do have more chin hairs now than when I first met him. I bet the same can be said about personalities too.

So, it's hard but I'm learning a lot about myself. I found a wonderful quote the other day that talks about the first year of your baby's life. I think it fits into what I'm talking about.

"The most difficult part of birth is the first year afterwards. It is the year of travail - when the soul of a woman must birth the mother inside her. The emotional labor pains of becoming a mother are far greater than the physical pangs of birth; these are the growing surges of your heart as it pushes out selfishness and fear and makes room for sacrifice and love. It is a private and silent birth of the soul, but it is no less holy then the event of childbirth, perhaps it is even more sacred." Joy Kusek LCCE

I think the same thing can be said for the father too. Mike has definitely had emotional labor pains of becoming a father and has had to push out selfishness and fear. I love that quote.

So, here's to parenting - being pushed out of our comfort zone,  standing up for what's right, and protecting this little heart of ours crawling around outside of our bodies.