Birth Story Part I : Home

Here is a snippet of our notes on timing my contractions.

Home – The First 72 Hours

The cramps probably began on Saturday, June 30th or so. I wasn’t positive if they were contractions or not. Folks always told me that “you will know” when you have a contraction. I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know, so maybe they weren’t true contractions. 

Monday, July 2 at midnight – My contractions (I feel I can call them contractions now, I’m still not positive though) are intensifying. They really do feel like menstrual cramps.

Menstrual cramps, for me, feel like dull aches in my lower abdomen. The more painful they get I imagine that dull/mild ache is still there but with added layers of pain. If it were translated into sound it would be a constant, drone-like bass sound. Once that sound is established a second layer/sound begins and it is a bit higher pitched but in the same lower abdomen area and its tone moves up and down but in the higher register. On top of those two layers is another sound and this is more like an obnoxious smoke alarm beeping loudly but not at a regular pace. On top of all of this my entire uterus is contracting, the muscles are tightening up (this is not painful). I feel like the pain and the muscles contracting are separate from one another but somehow related. It’s not a pain that I feel all over my uterus, just in the lower abdomen, but the entire muscle is tightening up. That’s the best I can do, description-wise. It doesn’t feel like a catheter being shoved up your hoo-ha (and I know, because I had 4 catheters over the length of my stay at the Birth Center and the hospital), it doesn’t feel like you’re being punched in the stomach – that would be a welcome swap. It’s its own special pain the only pain that can bring a new human being into the world.

So, we’re at home and we start timing the contractions since they are becoming more painful. We want to see if they are becoming more regular or stronger. They seem to get worse at night or worse when I lay down on my side – which doesn’t make for a good nights sleep! I see my first positive sign of labor and continue to see it for the next couple of days, the loss of my mucous plug! During the day, when I move around they seemed to really slow down which makes me think that this is just pre-labor. The midwife says to call in either when contractions are 10 minutes apart (to give them a heads up) or if my water breaks. We spend this first night mostly awake.

Tuesday, July 3 – A second sleepless night. At least every 30 minutes I arise with violent pains that I have to breath through. When in bed I focus on a row of books on the bookshelf and with each breath I count each book on the shelf. The shelf I counted has 50 books on it. If I face the other direction in bed I count the spokes on the bicycle wheel. This counting is really helpful. I try to imagine the blue balloon as well which helps with my breathing but the counting is my ultimate coping mechanism. Mike says, “Good thing I’ve kept these bikes and all these books – they are coming in handy.” They were. Another thing that helped me through a contraction was Mike would rub my leg or arm or foot or back to the rhythm of my breathing. At one point, after a contraction, I get up to go to the bathroom and I get the most violent chills ever. I’m shaking BADLY my teeth are audibly chattering. Mike draws me a warm bath.

Here are some details from the notes.

Wednesday, July 4 – We are both exhausted. We have had 2 full nights and 2 full days of no solid sleep. We are now onto night three. The contractions sometimes get closer but then I’ll take a shower or do laps around the house and they’ll slow down. I think we’ve called the midwife at least once in the last couple of days. We call again and tell her that they are about 10 minutes apart (10, 12, 11, 9) still not perfectly regular and she says to either call back when they are 3-4 minutes apart of if my water breaks. We get them to about 5 minutes apart for about an hour but then I take a shower and the next one comes 20 minutes later. So frustrating! The other abnormal thing is that a majority of the contractions are lasting 2 plus minutes long, some are up to 3 plus minutes long. The things I’ve read say that they will last up to 90 seconds long during active labor. I’m not even in active labor (as far as I know) and they are lasting twice as long as that. I’m becoming an ol’ pro at dealing with these very long and painful contractions – counting books and spokes. But we are pooped. At one point Mike drifts off to sleep and I say, good for him, one of us should sleep! But my contractions feel like they are getting longer and stronger and I’m breathing and moaning and Mike doesn’t stir. I am crying and becoming doubtful – I don’t think I can do this. I say things, through tears, like, “I don’t think I can do this.” and “Ow it hurts, it hurts.” and “Help me!” Thoughts of epidurals and C-sections are dancing in my head. I startle Mike awake and through tears tell him that I cannot do this without him and that I need his help. We are both exhausted – did I say that already? We call the midwife to tell her that I’m feeling doubtful. She says that nothing can slow down true labor contractions – not a bath, not a walk  - it is like a freight train, nothing can stop it. She asks if I am feeling the contractions beginning in my back and then wrapping around to the front. No, I am not feeling that. I never really feel that. My back does ache but I don’t ever feel a true wrapping around my torso of pain. Most of the pain is in the front.

We are close to midnight on the cusp of July 5 and it’s about as unbearable as can be. I just cannot imagine that if these are pre-labor contractions that I am feeling then what in the hell does active labor feel like?! The meanest thing I say to Mike throughout all of this is, “We should have gotten a doula.” I never yelled at him or said something unreasonable like, “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!” But I felt, in that moment so alone and realizing that he too was exhausted I think that having a second birth partner would have been a smart thing for a long labor like this – but I thought I’d have a 6 hour labor. Big, fat, HA. We were both going on 3 practically sleepless nights and days and Mike still had a bit of an ear infection so he wasn’t 100%. I apologized to him within the hour but we both agreed that having another body to help out would have been really helpful – especially during this home part that seemed to be lasting for a very long time. It was hard – bearable (I’m alive) but quite challenging and tiring, physically and mentally. The last 7 contractions before we go to the Birth Center are 10, 10, 8, 6, 2, 4, and 9 minutes apart – still not regular but as Mike wrote on our notepad, “Painful/crazy”.  Thankfully the baby had been moving in there for the last 72 hours, so I was assured that he was O.K. He was, however, beginning to punch me in the cervix. OUCH. I would cry in pain over this too saying things like, “Baby, please stop!” and “Why baby!??” We called the Birth Center for the 4th or 5th time and she finally said to come in – even though they weren’t 3-4 minutes apart yet. Mike packed up the car (which seemed to take forever) and I had at least 2 more contractions before we hopped in the car and drove down the road to the center. 11:58pm is what read on the car clock 2 more minutes until July 5. Seventy-two hours of irregular but strong and long contractions at home and one more on the car ride over. I was looking forward to having some extra assistance and to know if I had made any progress at all – even one more centimeter would have been welcome news.

Read Birth Story Part II
Read Birth Story Part III
Read Birth Story Part IV