No Matter What, No Matter When

I had a theory. They say that your first baby usually arrives late and your second and
subsequent births arrive early or on time (although I’m a second baby and arrived a few
days late, so nothing is 100%) My thought was that first-timers are sitting around lazing
around waiting for that first mysterious contraction; second timers are busy caring for their first little
one - they are distracted and not thinking about that first contraction. I thought I could
psych myself out and go to work, stay busy, keep walking, clean, clean, clean, prep, prep,
prep. Nothing is really wrong with all of that but what I think I was leaving out in this
theory was the anxiety, the mystery. I could stay busy and think I was faking myself out
but I think I still had this tension buried deep down. There’s no faking your body out. Not for
long anyways. Who knows what makes you go past your due date. It probably is some
complicated body thing or maybe some psychological thing or a combination of both or neither. Ha!

I think that hearing that I was 2 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced at my last
appointment and being told that the baby would probably be here before the weekend got
me so excited; my expectations were so high. Now it is Sunday afternoon and I’m sitting
here still pregnant; it’s three days past my due date. I took a wonderful nap yesterday and
really relaxed but today I just couldn’t bear to sit around all day. I was getting restless. So
I went out to get some peaches and vitamins and my regular, weekend treat, a Venti Decaf
Mocha Frappuccino. But before I did that I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown. I
told Mike that I wanted to go to work tomorrow but I wasn’t looking forward to seeing
some of my coworkers, who have been nothing but generous and sweet, but a girl can
only take so much of the same thing, “Baby this, baby that.” “You’re still
pregnant?!” “How you feeling?” “Is everything o.k.?” “I thought for sure you wouldn’t
be here today.” “What are you doing here still?” etc. etc. etc. I can’t seem to even look
down and read a piece of paper without somebody asking me if I’m o.k. It was driving
me CRAZY. The thing is, I feel comfortable enough to go to work and my sassy self (who my
mom knows too dearly) loves telling people at work who ask me “What are you still
doing here?” that our maternity leave sucks and if it were better I wouldn’t be here. Or
when the 80th person asks me if my parents are calling me everyday and sooo excited I
say straight faced, “No, my and Mike's parents are very laid back and are not like everyone here.” Yeah, that is a little mean. That is also a sign that I was at the end of my rope because although I have a sassy side I think I’m a pretty nice, chill, and polite person. Someone at work even started
a “Baby Watch Update” which I wasn’t included in or asked about…whatever, that’s
fine, I don’t mind people talking about my cervix behind my back(just kidding) I thought
that was just weird…welcome to the information age I suppose. I think, although I have
this blog and tend to overshare on it I haven’t publicized it on facebook or sent the link to
a massive amount of people. My family reads it and a select few and I don't mind you readers sharing it with people, I like the idea of it being shared by word of mouth. Of course it's out there on the interwebs so if any ol' person searches for "garlic clove" my Garlic Clove in the "Fanny Pack" post might come up as a result. That's fine. I think when it comes down to it I’m a fairly private person
and the culture at work seems to be the opposite of that. Everyone’s business is
everyone’s business. Being pregnant just puts it over the top. I’m thankful for the
kindness and love that people have shown me but I feel like I cannot be that private
person there that I’d like to be. It’s like the big bump that extends out in front of me
crosses that line leaving my body on the other side of the line. The line that the bump
crosses over gives people permission to talk and share. But that bump is still attached to
me, it is still a part of me. Wow. That turned into a bit of a rant. I’m done now, with the
ranting.

So, Mike talked me into not going to work. That I shouldn’t worry about using up my
maternity leave even though the baby isn’t here yet (that was one of my concerns).
He told me that we could make it work. We will make it work. We will cut back on
other expenses, he will sell things on ebay. At my last appointment the midwife was
encouraging me not to go into work next week either (if the baby wasn’t here yet). She
said that we should take this time to enjoy the last bit of my pregnancy with just the two
of us. Go swimming. Eat eggplant parmesan. She made it sound so magical. Mike’s
sister Jen said something similar to Mike, to do things now that we won’t be able to do so
easily once Thunder Bear is here. Like go to a movie, which we plan to do tomorrow if
I’m still with child. I think all of this advice is really good and I think it will help to relax
me. Mike had me say this affirmation:

“I, Erin, give myself and the baby permission to go into labor at the right time.”

I repeated it, through tears, many times. It was a good emotional session and let me
release a lot of my anxiety and tension. Mike is like my therapist. Thank goodness
gracious for Mike. So I'm heading into this week work-free, more relaxed, and accepting of my post date. So all is good here on the homefront no matter what, no matter when.


Image from: think baby