Differences and An Open Mind

Shawnee, Emily and I, February 28, 2012

While on my trip to Maui I was fortunate enough to hang out with my girlfriends Shawnee and Emily on my layovers in San Jose. My friend Shawnee is pregnant too! She is 1 1/2 months ahead of me. We did not plan this, it was just meant to be (smile). We talked about our pregnancies, the similarities and differences. Shawnee has had a dream pregnancy, no morning sickness, no funny cramping (only some ligament pain.) She is little, she looks like a snake that swallowed a perfectly round cantaloupe, so cute. She is carrying her baby high, her tummy sticks straight out (and so does her belly button.) I on the other hand had some mild morning sickness, ligament pain, and some weird menstrual-like cramping last week (the midwife said that was just muscle strain, and if I go on long hikes again to wear a belly band (like a sports bra but for my belly), phew!) I am also carrying lower than Shawnee and I think my belly is bigger or her size, even tho I'm right behind her.

We also talked about birth and birthing methods. Shawnee and I are similar in this regard. We are opting to go naturally and at a birthcenter. We both found out the gender of our babies. It was fun talking to our friend Emily about this too. She asked us all sorts of questions and expressed that if she has a baby she will probably get an epidural or a C-section, which more and more people are doing these days and I have many friends that have chosen these methods. 

In our birthing class this past Monday we watched three very different births and each woman seemed to tolerate pain in various ways. This made me think about how people are so distinct from one another even though they may have similarities that bond them. Like Shawnee and I, we carry our babies in utero differently, we have had slightly different symptoms. Like Em and I we have different ideas about how we want to give birth. In Monday's class we went around and shared our ideal birth situation and setting. We were all similar yet different. Most of the people hoped to not be transferred to UNC Hospital (getting an epidural or C-section). We all wanted a healthy baby. Some people feared the pain more than others. I said that I wanted Mike to be comfortable and that at this point I am more worried about him than me or the baby(I don't know why); I'm sure this will change. After class Mike said,  

"You will be able to do it. I will help you." 

It was nice to hear and have that support. Another person said that she didn't want it to be too stressful. In the video we watched, one woman could barely take the pain of the contractions. I've heard birth stories from other women who said that it wasn't painful until the babies head  was passing through, and that's it. We all tolerate various sensations in different ways. We all know our bodies best. I have never been fearful of the pain; I want to be able to feel the baby travel down and out. I want to be able to listen to my body and work with it with all of my sensations intact even if I may be suffering from the pain. I know that having Mike and the midwife's support will be extremely valuable to me. I have been reading a lot about all types of births including C-sections and I am more fearful of a C-section than a vaginal birth. I think that the illustrations that I saw of the C-section freaked me out more so than watching the vaginal births that were actually quite graphic, I can't explain why... Perhaps it was the stories of my Mom's births -and what she wasn't able to have back in the 70s, perhaps it is how I was raised. One strange thing about me is that I don't often take ibuprofen or allergy pills or medications. I think this may stem from not going or liking going to the doctors. I prefer to use a neti pot or eating bee pollen over using allergy meds. I prefer to feel that cramp or headache over numbing it. Maybe I have taken the Buddha's quote too literally,

"Life is suffering." 

(And actually the Buddha didn't really say that. That is just an English translation. Click on this link here and read about it, it's interesting!) I have taken ibuprofen many times for menstrual cramps but I have also gone without to see if I could relax the pain away. 

I remember once, while traveling in Scotland I got menstrual cramps at night and all the stores were closed and I had no drugs! The cramps were bad. Luckily it took place at night and I just laid in bed with my hands on my belly and breathed away the pain. I did my own little relaxation medication and it worked! It took time and it was tiring but luckily I had a nice place to lie quietly with no place to go. 

If you read that link about "Life is suffering" you will see that not only is it "suffering" but it is also "impermanent" and "conditioned" which are two very helpful things to think about in that state I was in while in Scotland. Anyhoo. I'm also open minded. I know that something could go wrong and that I might need to be transferred to the hospital for an epidural or C-section. I will be okay with this as long as the baby is fine. Of course my wish is that all women would try and give birth naturally with the support of their partners, midwives and even a doula, but I realize that  

everyone is different.  

I realize and accept that  

people's thresholds of pain are different, people were raised in different manners, people are under different circumstances, 

people have different  

fears and 

        ideals and  

                  hopes and  

                            wishes.