Children Are People Too

My mom had a little framed sign like this in her bedroom when I was a kid. I tried to recreate it here. I wrote about it long ago in this post where I said,

"I can remember reading it as a little tyke and understood it but from a different perspective from how I read it now. Back then I was a child, and that quote sort of left me empowered, like a children's rights quote or something. Now, as an adult, it is simply a good reminder that children aren't dolls, they are not stupid, they are not just cutesie little things, they are people, they are sponges soaking up information, they are small but with HUGE potential."

I just read this article called "What Your Baby Can't Tell You." It's about  how babies are actual people. The part that really opened my eyes was when she used the example of an adult who was left paralyzed by a stroke:

"If I had a stroke that made me as dependent as an infant  (I couldn’t take care of my own needs or express myself), I would hope to be warned before I was being touched, lifted, fed, sponged, rinsed, dressed, given a shot, etc.  I would want to know everything that was going on in my immediate world, especially if it directly related to my body. I would want to be invited to participate to the extent I was capable (i.e., given an opportunity to hold the spoon myself.)

At first it feels awkward talking to someone who does not talk back, but we quickly get used to it. Babies begin to understand our respectful intention to include them much earlier than we might believe. And they communicate earlier if we open the door." 

It made me think of my friend Braden who was in a bicycle accident and left a completely different person. He was one of my brother's good friends. Braden had the energy of a kid and the athleticism of a pro-athlete. Once he and Sean hiked up snowy Mt. Shasta without proper shoes and left much later in the day than recommended but made it to the top and back before the people with the proper gear and early starting times. Another time they went backpacking and carried out huge bundles of trash that littered the trail, like sherpas, that other backpackers left behind because they over-packed their packs. Sean and Braden did this on their own, they weren't being paid, they didn't even plan on doing this. I can just imagine that one of them saw a strewn sleeping bag or a propane tank and picking it up to dispose of it properly and then finding more and more stuff until they had bundles 4 times the size of their strong, sinewy bodies. Sean said that when they went on runs together Braden could carry on long conversations but my brother would be more challenged at talk-running (and my brother goes running with short-legged me, stops to let me catch up, but instead of just stopping does push-ups until I catch up to him - so he's no slouch either - I think he did 200+ push ups once.) So that's Braden and after his accident he was left unable to walk and talk - a complete and heartbreaking 180 degree turn. 

The snippet from the article above made me think about Braden and his caretakers. I wonder if they talk to him and explain things to him before they touch him or move him or feed him? I am pretty sure he recognizes people and knows what's going on - he just can't express it. Apparently, when my brother goes to visit him he can make Braden smile and even laugh - I bet that makes his day, his week, his month or even his year. I can learn a lot from my brother in this situation. Although it might be "awkward talking to someone who does not talk back" - (I felt awkward when I visited Braden) - to throw all of that awkwardness out the door and to treat Braden like you've always treated him is huge. Kudos to brother Sean for that - I think that takes a lot of strength. I realize that a little baby is different from this situation because it will be a baby going forward and (hopefully) having the ability to learn to walk and talk. Whereas with Braden it went from knowing the sweet walking and talking guy and overnight he became paralyzed. Thinking about people touching Braden without explaining what they are going to do beforehand, even though they may be trying to help him, must be frustrating (if it happens) for him because he can't really express himself. Now imagine a baby. People - strangers - feel like they can just pick a baby up, touch a baby on the head...I've done this before. I even remember this woman who lived on our street when I was a tot who would come up to me and pinch my cheeks and say something like, "You so cute." She scared the living daylights out of me. I'd see her and freeze up. I don't think I ever said, "Please don't pinch my cheeks." or "You are really overbearing and you frighten me a little." I was very shy, especially with strangers and even though I could talk I had a hard time establishing my boundaries at the age of 2 or 3 or 4 or however young I was. (If a stranger came up to me now and pinched my cheeks I'd probably karate chop them.) Because these wee beings can't speak or fully express themselves we feel like we don't have to get their permission to pinch their cheeks or respect their boundaries. But children are people too.

In that article you can read about telling the baby what is going on, giving the baby your undivided attention, listening to your baby, letting babies initiate and create their own activities and being honest with them. These are all things we would hope adults would practice with eachother so why not with little babies? Because children are peeps too.